More then just a fear.

A fear is an emotion. Im a girl filled with emotions. Figuring out what fears I have are hard. But I've figured out every fear that I have. It's sad to say I have way to many. Most are common. But whatever.

Fears:

Being alone.

Not finding true love.

Not being good enough for anyone.

The way I look.

Spiders.

Clowns.

Darkness.

Worrying what people are thinking.

Hurting someone I care about.

Heights.

Being forgotten.

Ghosts.

Spirits.

Demons.

Ending up with cancer.

Leeches.

Drowning.

Growing old.

Most insects.

Being poisoned.

Hospitals.

Snakes.

Porcelain dolls.

Sharks.

Being buried alive.

Being crushed under a building.

Getting hit by a car.

Being murdered.

Rape.

Giving birth.

Of no one caring.

Bears.

Cemeteries.

Falling out of a roller coaster.

Hearing irregular noises at night.

Flickering lights in houses.

Becoming blind/deaf.

Being attacked.

Seeing shadows.

Ferris wheels.

Ventriloquist's dummies.

War.

China.

Being in a car accident.

Death.

/end.

feeling this.

no one could even begin to understand ever emotion im feeling right now.

anger, depression, confusion, pain, desire, worried, and seriously fucked.

i hate that you friends with that fucking cunt, you don't fucking understand how bad i want to kill her. if there was one person i could murder, it would be her. she is a no good fucking drama queen cunt. i don't see how you can still fucking talk to her. it just makes absolutely no sense.

it makes me feel like you don't even fucking consider my feelings, because you're still talking to her. it makes me upset. you may not understand why, but it does. she has said so much fucking shit about me, and has told you things that aren't true. i would fucking do anything fucking anything for you. i try so hard. its pathetic.

i really just don't get why im doing this to myself anymore. im seriously just better off alone, because you will never let me in. its like you don't want me. it doesn't make any sense to me. and i really hate it. all the pain that i've caused myself. its ridiculous.

there's something i desire more then anything in this world, too bad i'll never have it. and this fucking worries me. because they are just everything i want. and i always worry about them, it just kills me.

but all in the end im seriously just fucking myself. because i never learn anything.

You're like a book in chinese, you're hard to read.

Why is it I can't read you. I can see you, I can feel you.

But when I try to look behind all that, Im lost.

So complex, and so difficult to understand.

Do you think it's a game for me, because im already it.

I just can't figure you out. Why is it so hard?

You're like a puzzle with all the wrong pieces,

You just can't be put together.

I want you to let me in, would you do it...

Gotta get that boom boom pow.

I can't stand that song >_<

So lately I've been getting really sick. I have absolutely no clue how or why. But all I know it sucks a lot. Because Im always complaining and in a grouchy mood. :/ So Val and I were supposed to quit smoking.. that never happened. Thank god, because I defiantly wasn't ready to quit yet. Blah this is short, and really pointless. Im going to lay down. >_<

Oh by the way, I like to rape Val :) She knows that!

xoxo.

Dailyy.

So I think from now on, Im going to blog everyday no matter what.

My days are usually boring but it gives me something to do.

But sometimes I'll do it more then once, for purposes >_<

Eh, I could say a word or two.. but it'd make me a fool.

/end

She screamed.

If I screamed would you even hear me? The bloods ruining away, would you feel it?

You think this is all a life of luxury don't you, well Im sorry baby you were wrong.

Every morning waking up seems like another endless chore. The pain lingers inside.

It's hard to tell you how it feels when you wont listen to a fucking word.

I like to feel good, too bad when Im around you, I feel worthless. Does that make you happy?

Well isn't that great. Because Im sick of the pain and suffering. Did you think it was funny?

Well great because I don't find any of it fun anymore. You weren't the person I thought.

Do you think Im stupid, that's funny because Im not. I see right through your lies.

I believe in a thing called karma. Do you? You will be fucked in the end.

So fuck you

Warped Tour.

Well on Saturday July 18th 2009 I went to warped tour '09. I have to say it was such a fun day. But leading up to warped tour I had gotten my first tattoo. My mom took me, and I love it so much. For everyone who knows the clothing brand Baby Cakes, I got bucakes, its above my ankle bone on the right side. I have to say it is the perfect tattoo for me, because it fits me so well. The day of warped tour I was with my friends Val, Liz, Ricky & Jess. We had such a great time. The first band we went to go see was Underoath. We then went to the Baby Cakes tent. Paul Griffiths wasn't there yet, but i did get my limited edition shirt! Me, Val and Liz then were walking around wearing 'Free Hugs' shirts. And this band stopped us and was like 'FREE HUGS!?' So we went and gave them hugs, and they were talking to us. They also said that every girl they met from Long Island was a stuck up bitch. Which is so true. But they let us sign their pants and legs! It was funny. Then we were walking around for a little bit. Finally 2 o'clock came along, and we were at the baby cakes tent waiting for Paul. I was really excited to show him my tattoo. He was getting swarmed by girls. And at one point like our eyes met, and he went from like omg all these girls are attacking me to like glowing. As soon as he saw me he smiled so big and pointed at me and was like :O YOU! and I was like HEY!! Finally I got up to him and he was like 'How are you doing?' I was like 'I'm doing greatt!I have something to show you!' he was like 'what!?' and I pulled down my knee high socks and he got so serious, and was like 'is that real!?' I was like 'YES!' and he then asked if he could take a picture once everyone was gone. So then I waited for a long time, and finally it was getting so late, so I just went to go take a picture with him. And I was so happy that he remembered me. And so many people were giving me dirty looks, like it's not even funny. So then I left, and I had my friends go and find the Breathe Carolina signing, and along the way I saw Jeffree Star doing a signing. So I had my mom wait online for that. So when I got the meet BC, I got a video for Yeliz and Alyssa like they asked. Then I got to cut the line to meet Jeffree. After that my friends kinda ditched me for a little bit, but then I found my friend Tori. So we went to go watch Attack Attack! After them brokencyde was on next. So I had to get my mom and my friends to the stage quickly!! Me and Val were up pretty close for brokencyde, and they were really good. I was so happy. During the second to last song Val and I went into the mosh pit. And saw Corey Lush, for all who don't know he is Val's ex boyfriend. And he is such a douche bag. After that we went to the brokencyde meet and greet, it took forever! Then after that me and my mom went to go wait in line for the Millionaires. As we were waiting in line I was like 'Imma go see if Pauls at the bbycks tent, I want to see if he'll sign by my tattoo.' So as I was walking over there I see Ricky and Jess. And they had told me they saw him there, so we went to the tent, and they were cleaning it up, and I was scared to like bother him. Then these fan girls RAN to him and got pictures, and when he saw me again he smiled big again and asked if he could take the picture and i was like 'Of course!' So then this girl was like 'Why is he signing her leg...?' And Ricky was like 'she has one of the things tattoo'd on her ankle.' She was like 'oh'. So after that I went back to my mom and this guy came up to us and asked if we wanted to get like in front of the line and meet them. So my mom was like 'Well what do we have to do.' And the guy said 'We had to buy his cd for 5 bucks.' So my mom was like 'Okay, If my daughter comes back with a shirt and autographs I'll buy it' So he did as he said he would, I was brought like into the tent. Where I was standing behind them! When I met Allison she was like 'Hey! Sweet heart how are you doing today?' I was like 'Im doing great! How are you?' She was like 'Im great! Where do you want me to sign?' And I said on my shirt and she did it. Then I met Melissa and she was just as nice. Then Dani who was like 'I hope you're having fun today!' After that I went to go find Val and Liz. After that I went to go see Breathe Carolina. My friends left me alone in there, but I made new friends. And danced with a banana! And a reallly hot guy! Breathe Carolina was so much fun. The crowd had so much energy. Everyone was dancing and moving around. Once that ended I did a little more shopping and all through out the day we kept seeing our friends who worked at hot topic! LOL. So then it's the last show. It's only Dance Gavin Dance and Escape The Fate. Me and Val went to go get more free hugs and signatures, and then we KNEW Corey was going to be there. So we went to go find him, and when we did we pushed him into the pit. He turned around and punched Val on the right side of her jaw. And the both of us were ready to kill him. We were searching for someone to do something to him. Finally I was talking to a guy in a purple shirt who said he was going to do something, and then I see Val go after Corey and punch him right in the face. Then he grabs her arms and pushes her back. And she sparta kicked him in the balls twice. Then punched him like 6 more times in the face. I finally grab her stomach, and you just see so many people trying to stop the fight. She's screaming at me to let go of her. And some guy says 'HES NOT WORTH IT.' Then she's like 'HE PUNCHED ME IN THE FUCKING FACE.' So then the guy goes after Corey. And I finally let go of Val shes runs out. And people are asking me what happened. So then she finds me and is like 'I lost my phone'. I run back in and Im asking everyone if they've seen a small purple phone. A few people said they saw it and that it was broken. Finally these two really hot guys were like 'I had your phone and then I gave it to another girl. So it's still in one piece.' We try and find it. Then this guy comes up to us and was like heres your phone. And Val was almost in tears. Because if you lose something in a mosh pit, it's gone. But she was so lucky. And then so many people were giving Val high fives, and cheering her on. And then security came in and took Corey out, and everyone started chanting ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE! It was a great night, to a great day.

Sorry for this being so long, but so much happened. And Im sure I left things out! D:

For pictures from warped tour check my myspace and facebook. :]